What eats dog food, lives in a doghouse and is very dangerous?
A dog with a machine gun.

When you catch your dog eating a dictionary, what should you do?
Take the words right out of his mouth.

Which dog eats with its tail?
All dogs keep their tails on when eating.

Which dog is always without a tail?
A hot dog.

Why did the dog take a bag of oats to bed at night?
To feed his nightmares.

How do you make a dog float?
Take two scoops of ice cream, a couple of squirts of soda and a small dog.

What happens to a dog that keeps eating bits off of the table ?
He gets splinters in his mouth !

What kind of meat do you give a stupid dog ?
Chump chops !

What kind of dog sounds like you can eat it ?
A sausage dog !

Why do dogs bury bones in the ground ?
Because you can't bury them in trees !